


yellow.

by ariadneamare



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, POV Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:33:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27933145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ariadneamare/pseuds/ariadneamare
Summary: In another life, they found each other again. This reality, the next, and a thousand more he would keep coming back home for she was his mosaic of good memories.a modern au based on the song yellow by coldplay — unedited
Relationships: Levi/Hange Zoë, Nanaba/Mike Zacharias
Comments: 45
Kudos: 132





	yellow.

**Author's Note:**

> Promise me a place in your house of memories.
> 
> -an excerpt from Hanji's letter to Levi

**1st of May**

When a writer loves, they hide messages between pages and print memories on paper. Levi’s poems revolved around her and the stories he wrote hinted incandescent happiness.

She lay beside him, a smile plastered on her beautiful face. He moved his hand from her hip to cup her small face. “Maybe we should just live here together,” he whispered before kissing her nose. 

A light laugh echoed around the room, “what about our dreams? Weren’t you the one who told me not to stop moving forward?”

“Yeah, I did.” Moments like this, thoughts of dropping everything and eloping drowned his mind. At this very moment, it sounded like the best idea. 

“You still have a book to write, Mr. lover boy, while I….” The brunette heaved a sigh, closing her eyes. “I have a long way to go before I get to study the universe you so love to write about.”

“When you do achieve that dream, show me the meteor shower.” 

Hanji opened her eyes, she scooted closer and wrapped her arms around him. He fit perfectly in her hug, Levi found comfort and rest there.

**24th of May**

Hanji called past noon and the burden he felt the whole morning lifted. He wanted nothing but to go home in their apartment and cuddle with her. The moment his phone rang and displayed her nickname she set on his phone, the heavy burden on his shoulders lightened. It amazed him how she can turn his life upside down and yet bring the best out of him. 

Levi usually has a scowl on his face or a blank expression and people misinterpreted this, but Hanji knew better. They saw each other naked, in nothing but their souls and scars. At his most vulnerable state, she never failed to show him love and acceptance. 

“Levi!” 

Warmth surged in his stomach, her happiness brought him peace. Always.

“What is it this time, four eyes?” 

“Remember when I told you about applying for graduate school last year? Well, today I received an email from them and,” She paused.

“And?”

She chuckled, “I got accepted.” Hanji finished breathlessly then squealed into the phone.

He moved the phone a little further from his ear but a smile crept up from his face. “I’m proud of you,” he replied.

“Thank you,” she spoke gently. “ I’ll cook dinner, be home early please.” 

Levi whispered a small “see you” before she ended the call, they have tackled this topic before. She planned on moving to finish grad school and he supported it. The reality that he might have to let go of her soon scared him shitless, it sent a painful jolt to his heart. Who would remind her to eat or sleep? It didn’t help that their time zones would not align.

He shook his head and returned to his laptop, typing away the words the voices in his mind sang. 

The day went by painfully slow for Levi, his mind never rested. It kept replaying scenes of Hanji in the airport saying goodbye and him sitting alone for dinner with no one lighting up the room. 

He concluded delaying the confrontation. They would celebrate her success tonight, his worries can wait. 

When he got home, Hanji stood by the stove as she stirred the pasta on the pot, Levi took his coat off and hung it on the rack. He lay his bag on the counter and hugged her from the back. Sniffing her hair and inhaling the scent he has come familiar with. 

“You’re early.”

It took him a second before he responded, “someone was threatening me.”

Levi felt her body vibrate and soon he heard a laugh bubble up from her throat. He closed his eyes and relished the rhythm it brought to his ears. Every sound that came out of her mouth became his lullaby, and he shamelessly carved every musical note in his mind.

During dinner, Hanji talked light-heartedly while he inserted a couple of retorts that made her laugh even louder. She smiled the whole night and it made him feel guilty about wanting to hold her back. 

They retreated to their bed, arms encircling each other and breaths syncing. He relished in the content smile plastered on her face before shutting his eyes. 

**8th of June**

“What are you not telling me?”

During Sundays, they spend their time lounging and reading books together, but the moment Levi woke up his anxiety didn’t leave him. His mind wanted to clean their apartment and rearrange the furniture. 

Hanji ended up cooking breakfast because he hid in the bathroom to scrub the floor. His fingers started to hurt, but he wanted so much to ignore its shaking. 

It took him three calls and a knock on the door before he drew out of his reverie, but even so when they ate breakfast, he left the egg sandwich on his plate untouched. 

“What?”

“There’s something you are not telling me,” worry dripped from her tongue. 

He did not want to start the day with an argument, but Hanji deserved to know his take on the situation. Not that Hanji needed his permission, it just felt right to tell her. Communication comes both ways.

The raven-haired man carefully chose the words he would use, he did not want to sound controlling nor did he want her to feel at fault. 

Levi heaved a heavy sigh before speaking slowly, “I just thought that maybe going to grad school halfway around the globe might….”

Hanji dropped her fork on the plate and straightened her back. 

“Is there another option?” He asked softly. 

She took her glasses off and positioned it just above her forehead, “I thought we concluded this already. You were fine with this idea a year ago.”

“I didn’t notice how shitty this plan is.” He paused, his face softened before continuing. “Will you even come back?”

Hanji’s eyes widened a fraction but she quickly composed herself. “What do you mean? Our relationship is far greater than time and distance, Levi.” 

“Answer my question.” Levi dropped his utensils, rubbing his cheek. He started getting frustrated. Ignorance is bliss, indeed. 

“I already di-”

“Answer the goddamn question, Hanji!” 

Her eyes started to well up and it pinched his heart, but he wanted to hear the truth from her mouth. He didn’t like that he heard it from Nanaba first. Levi felt betrayed, would she have told him if he didn’t bring it up? 

“I was going to tell you, but you have this impressive job here and you love it. I did not want to take that away from you.” 

At times, Hanji has this ability to put others before her, but he knew that she had selfish thoughts too. He wanted to hear it from her. One word from her, and he would consider it. Yet, despite those selfish desires, she still would not pursue running away with him because he knew she loved being in the action. She loved her job and the duties that need to be done. Of the many differences they both have, the one trait they shared was putting their job first. 

“Bullshit, you know damn well I would move mountains for y-”

“I know you can’t!” A tear ran down her cheek and she started sniffling loudly. He wanted so badly to hug her that moment, but he couldn’t move. “You don’t think I know that if we keep running, we would get nowhere? We need to understand that this time, we’re going separate ways to grow.” 

“So you chose for me?”

“There was no other choice, Levi.” She whispered with her head hung low. Wiping the tears from her eyes that threatened to roll down.

"Would you even have brought this up if I didn't ask?" His voice slightly cracking as he uttered the last words, "what did you plan on doing? Just leave suddenly? Without telling me, was that your plan?"

Hanji exhaled slowly, "I had a plan. I was going to tell you, okay? I needed time to break it to you, it's not easy letting go."

Silence washed over their apartment, her low sniffles filling in the gaps. Levi contemplated his next words, but nothing came out.

He stood from his chair silently and headed for their bedroom. Once he got in, his body slid down against the door. The weight of the box in his pocket seemed heavier than usual. He carried it around for months now, but he never found the right time to ask her. Levi didn’t think he could after their conversation.

It seems she made up her mind. Levi had no power against her headstrong ability. 

**9th of June**

Hanji didn’t sleep in their room last night. He waited, but then the clock struck two and the space beside him became colder. He sought her out and found her curled up on the couch. Instead of carrying her to bed, Levi took their blanket and gave it to her. 

He didn’t go back to sleep.

**11th of June**

Levi left for work before Hanji could wake up. For three days, it continued. He’d kiss her forehead before leaving, but they never talked. By the time he came home, the cold dinner sat by the counter, and her body wrapped in the blanket laid on the left side of the bed. 

Aware of the fact that bringing the topic up again might cause a huge argument, Levi kept his silence. 

**13th of June**

Levi opened the door to leave the room but before he could step out, Hanji’s voice ringed in his ear. He hesitated for a second, he could hear their bed creak and the sheets ruffling. 

He felt her warm chest against his back, her arms encircling him for a hug. His walls wavered, it took all of him not to give in. 

“Can we talk when you get home?” 

His breath hitched at her soft voice. How could he say no? 

“I’ll be home by three.”

She whispered a small thank you before kissing his back and letting him go. 

Thoughts occupied his mind as he sat in front of his laptop. What did she want to talk about? A brief image of Hanji leaving their apartment popped in his mind and he abruptly stood up. Levi packed his things up and hurriedly left his office. Work can wait. Right now, he needed to hear whatever she had to say. 

By the time he got home, his hands started to sweat and his breathing became labored. He wanted to prepare himself for when shit would go down, but a part of him hoped. 

Hanji stood by her plants while watering them when he got home, a surprised look on her face. 

“Levi, you left something?” 

“You wanted to talk, right?”

Her brows rose and she stood straight, lowering her watering pot.

He noticed the pile of bags by the couch and his heart fell. Levi wanted to pick it up and take the contents out, he wanted to flood her questions. He wanted to break down. Instead, the light in his eyes flickered. 

“Well, yeah, but you didn’t have to skip work.” She retorted, taking two steps forward. Both of them awkwardly standing six feet apart. She eyed her bags and gulped.

“Let’s talk.” 

Hanji fiddled with her hands before speaking, “I’ll make tea, have a sit.” 

Levi hung his coat and took his shoes off before sitting down. He tried putting on a stoic expression, but his eyes showed otherwise. He didn’t know how long it took her to make the tea, he could already feel sweat dripping from his neck. 

The sound the cup made as soon as it touched the table pulled him out of his trance. He wanted to start the conversation but his throat restricted him from talking. Taking a sip from his tea, Levi set the cup down with shaky hands. 

"Four eyes,” he began. Looking up at her, a sad smile painted on her beautiful face. 

“You understand, Levi?”

He looked down, he couldn’t look her in the eye. 

“Remember when I told you about the solar eclipse?” Her voice broke. “Let me go, Levi, I’ll come back to realign with you someday.” 

That shitty phenomenon. And she said they would talk, this is a fucking parting message.

Soulmates, if he could remember correctly, the topic rose from the ground once during a lazy afternoon. She talked about the red string of fate and how a person has their own partner the universe picked for them. Levi did not believe in that bullshit. How would the universe know what he wanted exactly? 

She stood to grab her bags, pausing to look at him but he refused to look back. Levi didn’t find the necessity of breaking up. Even apart, he would stay hidden in the labyrinth he carefully built. And only one knew the way in. 

“Dedicate yourself,” his voice cut through the silent room. 

Hanji froze, her hand on the doorknob. “See you, Levi.” 

The click of the door closing echoed around the room. He sat there, alone. His ears ringing and his eyes staring at the cup of tea. The last cup she made for him. 

**14th of June**

The first night after Hanji left, Levi had a nightmare. 

He gasped for air, his body shaking and he patted the space next to him as if looking for someone. His vision blurred and he sought comfort. 

“H-hanji,” a weak whisper flew around the room. Silence replied. 

No warm hug met his body nor a whisper to reassure him. The cold wind gusted in and it sent shivers up his back. He looked at his phone on the bedside table, contemplating whether to call her or not. 

What then, if he did?

Grabbing his phone, Levi stood and headed out to their kitchen. Now his. 

He prepared a cup of tea and leaned on the counter. Unlocking his phone, he headed to the gallery. 

1438 pictures.

A thousand pictures had her face on it. One picture showed their first time moving into this apartment. She insisted on carrying the boxes, and said something along the lines of “I'm more than capable of doing this.” 

He scrolled further and found a picture of her after their first time. She lay naked, sheets wrapped around her figure. A sculpture by the gods, he believed. 

He reached his favorite picture of her. Her hair rested atop her head in a messy bun, glasses askew, and smile ever-growing. She held their first plant. 

A golden pothos. 

Levi heard the familiar whistle of the teapot, he locked his phone and pocketed it. 

Two sips in and he discarded it down the drain. Not Hanji’s. 

**8th of August**

“Levi, for fuck’s sake, get up.” 

The raven-haired man groggily sat up from the couch, “what time is it?” He flattened his hair and fixed his suit. 

It took him three years to get this book published and another year to get here, he couldn’t afford to sleep through the book signing. 

Mike stared at him in disappointment. He threw a comb at him before answering, “quarter to 3. Get ready.” 

The man shut the door loudly, Levi looked at his surroundings with squinted eyes. He didn’t mean to sleep, he shouldn’t have stared at her picture until two in the morning. He even found himself talking to her picture on the wall. 

Since she left, her framed picture became his company. They have been well acquainted with cowardice. 

Some days, the green button beside her contact name taunted him. Other days, the delete button lured him like a siren singing in the ocean. 

Levi got up and looked at his appearance in the mirror. She would be proud to see him, he could imagine the smile on her face and the glint of playful mockery in her eyes. 

He took a deep breath before opening the door that led to the venue of his book signing. They decided to hold the event at his favorite bookstore in town. The same place they had their first date. 

A long table adjacent to a poster stood by the wall, he scrutinized the chair behind it before sitting down. 

Mike and Nanaba talked in hushed tones at a corner, he scowled at the lovers and looked down at the book in his hands. 

Her cosmos, his abyss. 

He exhaled and closed his eyes. Socializing has never been his forte, but Nanaba insisted on doing this to increase his sales. She added more bullshit translated to “your looks will attract more people.” Levi cringed at that. 

Soon, people piled in and the room started to shrink. Squeals and laughter could be heard from all directions and flashes of light blinded his eyes. 

Levi sent a glare at Nanaba who smiled proudly at him while recording the whole event. One person stepped forward, handing their book to him. He gently accepted it, looking up only to pause mid-smile. 

There it sat, the proud smile and look of playfully mockery.

Disbelief washed over his face, time didn't stop nor slow down. It caressed them like a newborn. 

It's the solar eclipse. 

"I was watching you," Hanji spoke enthusiastically. Her smile meeting her eyes, chest pushed forward in pride, and hands by her hips. "I needed to be here at this crucial moment of your life." 

He looked at Mike to see if his mind played with him, but he only saw an encouraging nod from his friend. This beautiful being stood before him, not a product of his hallucination. Present and real. 

Levi dragged his eyes back at her, noticing how she glowed. The five years apart treated her well. He had a lot of questions for her, but he thought it could wait. Promptly, he wanted to leave and drag her out. 

“Levi,” She chuckled, “won’t you sign the book?” 

He snapped back to reality and took the pen with trembling hands, he signed it and added an extra heart. Hanji accepted the book when he reached out, giving him her toothy smile before heading toward Mike. 

Levi tried hurrying things up, he wanted to talk to her already. The line seemed endless and his nerves started to play with him. With Hanji out of sight, he neared the verge of losing control. 

An hour passed, but it felt like a week for Levi, the last person left the bookstore. He hurriedly looked around, but only Mike and his team stood in the room. Rising from his chair, he approached his friend. 

“Mike, where did Hanji go?” 

“Still whipped, I see.” 

Levi sneered up at him, “Stop fucking arou-”

“In the room.” 

The shorter man gave his friend a nod and headed for the door where he emerged from. The kind owner let them use the room, originally where the staff lounged and took breaks, as a “backstage”. They did not need one, but the owner insisted. 

He took a deep breath, already hearing her muffled laughter and boisterous voice. 

“That’s what I said!” She happily replied to a comment Nanaba made, “and the funny-” she paused as Levi opened the door and stared. He took a step forward ineptly. 

“Levi! Come, come. Sit beside us.” 

He looked at the small couch and opened his mouth to speak but Nanaba rose from her place, “Levi, talk to her.” She smiled and excused herself. 

He looked at the space beside her hesitantly, however, the grin on Hanji’s face softened him. Taking a seat, he avoided her gaze. 

“Look at you! You’re big time now, Levi, I hope you have not forgotten me,” she started.

He laughed inwardly at that comment, how could he?

He coughed before speaking, “when did you arrive?” He fixed his sitting position, angling it to the left facing her. He wanted her to feel that her arrival overjoyed him, he just didn’t know how to properly express it. 

“I arrived this morning, I had to rush here because I could not miss your first book signing.” 

His heart fluttered at that but he kept his cool, “you didn’t have to, what about your work?” 

“I stopped.” 

Levi lifted his eyes to meet hers, he didn’t find a hint of lie anywhere. Her eyes glimmered, but no tears welled up. He carefully continued, “permanently?”

“Permanently,” she nodded with a smile. Crossing her arms, she leaned in closer breathing in his scent. The hair on his skin rose at the small movement. 

“Four eyes, why would you do that?” He asked softly, eyes drooping. Levi knew she loved her job, why would she suddenly stop? 

Hanji leaned back on the couch, giggling while staring at his face. He looked away and stared off in the distance. In all honesty, he loved it whenever she stared, it just got intense most times because whenever she did that his stomach would lurch in excitement. 

"No reason," she answered. "Are you free tomorrow? Can we have breakfast together like old times?"

He looked at her expression. Something seemed off. Hanji wouldn't drop her work she took years to get for nothing, Levi knew that much.

He cleared his throat before answering, "yeah. I'm free."

The alarm he set on his phone for a meeting with the publishers the next morning burned in his pocket. Levi's schedule stood everywhere, but nowhere near free.

"Where do you want to eat?"

Hanji pulled out a key from her back pocket, "Tada! I'm moving in next door." She beamed at him. "Well, technically not next door but a few doors down."

Levi prepared his reply but a ring cut him off.

"Bummer! I have to go," Her brows knitted together, looking at her phone. She rose while pocketing her key and phone, "breakfast tomorrow at my place, six doors down to your left."

She hurriedly left without looking back, Levi sat there with his mouth slightly agape.

**9th of August**

He stood before the brown door. Six doors down to his left, the raven-haired man wondered. His left when he enters the apartment or exit? Levi tried to peer his ears, no sound could be heard from the other side.

Pulling his phone out, he tried calling her. Hell, he didn't know if she still used the same number. He didn't want to embarrass himself by knocking on the wrong door and seeing someone else open it. On the fifth ring, she answered.

"Good morning, Levi." The words came out sluggishly, and that meant sexy. His heart fluttered at that.

"I thought we were going to have breakfast?"

A chuckle echoed from the other side of the phone, "yeah. Which means we make it together, just like old times."

"Open the door, I don't want to knock cause it might be the wrong door."

"Okay, okay. Hold up." She muttered before hanging up.

He pocketed his phone, he waited anxiously for the door to open. He missed the way she looked on mornings.

"Levi!" Her voice cut through the deafening silence across the hall.

Wrong door. He took three steps back as he cringed, exhaling before walking to her apartment. His left when he enters his apartment, he took note of it.

She wore her pajamas with banana prints on them. He loved seeing it on her because whenever she had it on, a wide smile masked her beautiful face.

Hanji dragged him to her small kitchen, it looked similar to the one he had. The one they used to own together. Boxes were stacked on the countertop and paper bags filled with groceries were strewn all over the floor. Levi picked up the boxes and laid them on the floor. Hanji, on the other hand, took the bags and placed the groceries in the cabinet and fridge.

Just like old times, they were both opposites. Insanely different in terms of personality and ways of doing things. When together, they were something else. A dynamic duo, Erwin once told him. A complementary couple, Mike and Nanaba added.

Levi couldn't help but agree. They worked synchronously in the kitchen, and yet they didn't find the other as bothersome.

He prepared the batter for the waffles while she made tea. Nanaba used to say that her tea tasted bland, but Levi preferred it over any drink. Something about the tea coming from her, with effort, made it better. Ever since then, his taste buds became best friends with the "bland" tea.

They sat at her small dining table, chewing away the waffles he made.

"I was thinking," she started after downing the food in her mouth with the tea. "The five of us should go laser tagging some time. When was the last time we did that?"

"Five years ago or so," he replied.

"See! That's a long while, have you been there ever since I left?"

His stomach clenched, "no, not once."

They ate silently for a while before Hanji spoke again, " I read your book thrice already. I gotta say, it made me cry. Not because it hurts, but it leaves you yearning. I wonder who inspired you to write the ending like that."

"You." He answered honestly.

"Is that an honest answer from my clean freak?" She laughed heartily, teasing glinted from her eyes through her glasses.

"Shut up, four eyes." He gulped before bringing the topic up again, "why did you leave work?"

"Ah, there it is."

"Stop beating around the bush, Hanji."

She finished the last two bites of her waffle before answering, "It was suffocating me already. They offered me a position, but it wasn't on researching. More on disseminating tasks for my workmates and going through their paperwork."

"Tch, don't talk while you have food in your mouth. "

She sipped her tea before continuing, "I declined and impulsively decided to quit. The pay is low, you know. Each time I get paid, I spend it on new equipment."

"That you do. That shitty habit has been present ever since we were in high school."

Hanji laughed at his comment, downing the last of her tea. "Well, I had you to cook food for me and give me a place to stay when I couldn't pay for a heater."

"You still have me, come to me when you need help. You're forgetting we were high school friends."

Hanji's eyes widened, "just high school friends? Levi, I thought we were best friends. And we dated for six years!" She finished, feigning hurt.

Levi smirked, how could he forget those six years. They said you couldn't love when you hate yourself, but heavens, when he loved her he forgot that he ever hated himself.

"I guess you are back for good?" He inquired, looking at her straight in the face.

She merely gave him a small smile, and he accepted it. Not questioning her any further.

**11th of August**

As Levi arrived home from work, he spots Hanji carrying boxes into her apartment. Approaching her, he asks if she wanted help. She kindly refused him despite his insistence.

He doesn't say anything more and heads back to his apartment to cook up dinner, making more than what he could consume.

By the time he finished cooking, he packed half of the food and placed it in a lunch bag. Levi hung it outside her door, heading home and texting her about it.

> From: Levi
> 
> To: Four eyes
> 
> (6:23 PM)
> 
> [There's dinner outside your door, I hung it.]

He paced the room, anxiously awaiting her reply. His legs felt tired when he finally heard the familiar ring of his phone.

> From: Four eyes
> 
> To: Levi
> 
> (6:38 PM)
> 
> [Thank you, Levi! I owe u <3]

He would never admit that a single text from Hanji Zoe existed in his list of weaknesses.

**24th of August**

Levi checked the time on his watch. Quarter to 7, it says. He hurriedly locked the door of his apartment, he never liked being tardy.

From the corner of his eyes, he saw the sixth door opening. He felt a little excited, maybe the gods purposefully lagged him behind today so he could see Hanji before leaving.

But instead of seeing the familiar dark brown hair of the person he loved, lighter ones met his eyes. Shorter, even.

A tall man exited her apartment, he looked worried.

Levi ignored the green-eyed monster that hovered behind him, he took his leave before the man could reach him. He couldn't bear to go down the staircase with that man.

**27th of August**

On Fridays, Levi visits the hospital.

He never had a sibling by blood, but he always considered Petra as a younger sister. When his schedule allowed it, he would visit to see her.

Levi thought med school would be too much for her, even her father talked to him about this. He mentioned Petra being too young to marry her work, but the girl had her mind set.

He entered the glass door and turned right, heading for the elevator instead of the stairway. Arriving on the second floor, he walked to the desk while ignoring his surroundings.

"Good afternoon, Sir. How may I help you?"

Before Levi could reply, a familiar figure caught his eye. He dragged his eyes away from the nurse on the desk, checking to see who walked past towards the elevator doors but the busy hallway made it hard for him.

Shaking his head, Levi answered the nurse with Petra's last name.

"Oh, Mr. Ackerman," she realized, replying with a grin. "I'll call her."

"Levi is fine," the words dragged itself out of his mouth.

After twenty minutes, Petra appeared in front of him looking bright despite the lines that formed on her forehead.

"Sorry I took long. I had to assist Dr. Willburg with his new patient," she started.

"More cases, I presume?" Levi looked at her.

Petra avoided his gaze, "just the one case we are working on."

"Lunch?"

She beamed up at him, "yeah, it's my break time now."

The pair headed for the cafeteria, catching up as they walked.

**28th of August**

Levi arrived home late, parking his car at his usual spot. His watch read 9:36 PM as he exited his car.

Looking across, he noticed Hanji's empty parking lot. Frowning at that, he didn't dwell on it further. She likes to party with Nanaba after all.

**11th of September**

He placed the milk on the fridge, admiring the way it looked. Levi had the knack for organizing the contents of his fridge, much like the way shelves on the grocery store are set.

At the back of his mind, he wondered if he could invite Hanji over for dinner since he missed her birthday. He quickly ignored the thought, he has not seen her for two weeks. She might be busy since she just moved in, he assumed.

**12th of September**

Levi did not expect to see her after weeks of disappearing so suddenly, she opened the door to her car but he called her out.

"Oh, Levi!" She paused from entering her vehicle, "how are you?"

He jogged towards her, "I'm good but I wanted to invite you over for dinner. I bought that ice cream you've always wanted."

She tilted her head, pretending to have memory loss. Every time they went to buy groceries before, she would rush to the dairy aisle and beg him to get packs of that Korean ice cream.

"If it's not Samanco and not chocolate then I don't want it," she rolled her eyes.

"Brat, I know what you like. It's that fish-shaped treat, similar to how you smell like one."

Hanji's head tilted back as she laughed, "you're cute, do you know that?" She spoke as she pinched his cheek.

Levi scowled at her, hiding the very fact that his insides burned with affection. They bid farewell and the two went separate ways.

When he arrived home, he made sure the food he cooked tasted good. Adding salt from time to time and even going out of his way to place garnish.

Too much, he thought but didn't dwell on it any longer. He allowed himself to do all this just for tonight.

Soon, Hanji knocked on his door. She wore a green onesie while she held a purple one. He looked at it questionably and she handed it to him.

"Match with me!"

Ten minutes later, after a pout from her, Levi surrendered. The things he would do for her.

They sat at his dining table, she munched on the steak he carefully made. They looked silly with their outfits, but he never bothered complaining because she had an elated mask on.

"You know what my favorite thing in the world is?" Hanji looked up at him from her food.

"The meals I cook?" He added, looking smug.

She laughed at his remark, "yes but no. It's when people ask me what prefix they could use and I answer them with Dr."

He frowned when she said no, but felt relief as she continued. "I'm proud of you," a small smile appeared on his face.

"Is that a smile!?"

"No!"

"Liar!"

"Okay, Dr. lie detector!"

They continued the banter over dinner and retreated to the couch after. Settling comfortably, Levi switched the television on so they could watch a movie.

"What do you want to watch?"

She inched closer to him before replying, “Beautiful Boy.” 

Her lips let the words go so softly that it almost made him think it was a compliment for him, “is that one of your favorite depressing movies to watch?” 

Hanji pinched his hip and he tried hiding the snicker that rested in his throat, “it has a happy ending compared to Six Balloons.” She stared at him while smiling, he noticed that the two of them slowly inched forward. 

“Do you want ice cream?” He whispered, looking down at her lips. 

Her stare pierced him, “yes, please.” 

He excused himself, rising from the couch. When she could no longer see him, he breathed heavily. They almost kissed, he only needed to make the move. Grabbing two from the fridge, Levi returned and saw how engulfed she looked with the movie. 

Passing one to her, he stared at her for a second before focusing on the movie in front. Back then, she used to complain about how Levi never paid any attention to the screen but burned holes at her face. Some things never change, perhaps.

Two hours and five ice cream wrappers by the coffee table later, the movie finished. 

Hanji’s eyes drooped and Levi had to help her up. The time on the wall showed 7:56 PM.

“What did you do today?” He asked, his forehead creasing. “You look exhausted.”

She leaned against him, a lazy smile plastered on her face. Moving her head closer, his breath hitches. Her eyes move and focus on his lips, he swore his heart stopped beating.

A hum rose from her mouth and it made the hair on his neck tingle. If he moved, their lips would touch, but he didn't. A memory flashed in his eyes.

That man he saw the other day, his stomach dropped. Levi pulled away and held her at an arm's length.

"You should head home already," he cleared his throat.

A brief frown washed her face, "okay."

He guided her home and waited outside until he heard the click of the door. He took refuge in his bedroom, closing the portal from the outside world and the haven he currently lay in.

And although he never slept, he felt safe in his bed. For a picture of her stood adjacent to it.

**29th of September**

A week. Levi avoided her for a week now, and he didn't feel bad because it seemed that Hanji had done the same thing.

Whenever he arrived from work, her car did not reside in that space he has come to be friends with. He would stare at that spot for minutes as if doing that would make her appear.

Even in the mornings, they no longer went down the flight of stairs together. Clingy and Levi cannot co-exist in the same sentence, but not seeing someone after getting used to their presence upset him. Especially if that certain someone was Hanji.

**1st of October**

His eyes widened, Hanji sat at the passenger's seat of her car. That man, again, on the driver's seat.

Levi sat at his own, ready to leave for work when her car suddenly arrived. What made him pause was the look of exhaustion masked by her face. Others might not notice it, but for years he has memorized the lines on her face. Created constellations out of it, and kissed them one by one.

The man handed her a tiny object and a bottle of water. He scowled at that, he used to take care of Hanji whenever she had colds.

Driving off, Levi tried so hard to ignore the way his stomach dropped seeing the man care for her so much.

**9th of October**

He does not remember talking to her after weeks of ignoring each other, but the next thing he knew they ate breakfast together most mornings. And one night, they had dinner in his apartment again and even watched another movie.

None of them mentioned the almost-kiss on their first night together after years of being apart.

Levi saw the improvement of their relationship, but what good would it be if that man still lingered around her. He took note of asking her some time.

**15th of October**

"Mike, I'm telling you," He spoke to the phone. He fisted his hair, the normally composed Levi paced outside his car. "She fucking disappeared. Ask Nanaba if she's seen her anywhere."

He ended the call before his friend could say anything. It scared him that the last time he saw her was a week ago, and it didn't help that she drove off with that man.

Every time he arrived from work, her parking lot stayed empty. Even in the mornings he left for work. He called at least once a day, it kept leading him to voicemail. Levi texted her, too, nevermind if they called him clingy.

A ring from his phone stopped him in his tracks but seeing his friend's name annoyed him and he continued to pace.

"What did she say?"

"Nanaba said the last they talked was two weeks ago, but she says not to worry."

"How the fuck am I supposed to do that?"

"Look," Mike sighed before finishing, "Hanji has not been abducted or kidnapped or whatever your amazing mind has conjured. Nanaba knows the guy, she'll be fine."

"Tch, I won't forgive you if anything were to happen to her."

"Yeah, ‘cause it's really my fau—"

Levi ended the call, again, walking away from the parking lot and into the building. He couldn't help but be worried. Hanji didn't need protecting, he knew she was more than capable of doing so, but something about her made him want to. He found her too precious for the world, as if the universe didn't deserve her.

**18th of October**

Levi has always thanked his ancestors for the senses he's gifted with. And on this day, he frowned at the ability.

Hanji appeared out of the blue, knocking at his door at 9 in the evening. He felt emotions run through his veins, from anger to relief.

He didn't think twice, pulled her inside, and sat her down on the couch. She broke the silence by giggling and muttering something.

"What?" Levi's glare pierced through her, but she remained unfazed.

"I said, this feels like an interrogation."

"Listen here, four eyes," he started, his blood still boiling. "Where the hell have you been?"

Hanji rose from where she sat, walking to him. "I had business to take care of, okay?" She cupped his face, a small smile on her own.

He looked down, avoiding her gaze.

"The guy I am always with used to be my assistant, his name is Moblit," She chuckled as Levi looked back at her with wide eyes. "Nanaba told me."

"Tch," he backed away. "Can't trust anyone here, I see."

She sat back down, patting the space next to her. "Moblit is only trying to help me adjust here, plus he took my position and I'm teaching him what needs to be done," she pouted as he still stood before her. "Sit beside me?"

Levi remains unmoving, a slight gloss over his eyes.

"I know you were worried, but I'm here now."

He stood there for a second longer before surrendering to her request, "whatever." 

“Movie?” 

“Another one of those where one of them dies, I presume.”

“Killjoy.” 

Hanji switched the television on and played the right movie, smiling at him before focusing on the screen ahead. 

“I’ve noticed you no longer wear those pajamas I bought you,” he commented, “bitter about our breakup?” 

She pushed him away, “what’s it to you, clean freak.” 

On movie nights, they either match onesies or she wears the pajamas he bought for her. This night, they did neither, but he understood it. Even if they broke up, they still had years of friendship in their history. Levi could not ignore that. Hanji would never be bitter, the two had minds with the same cogs. 

She made faces at him, he looked at her for a second before lightly shoving her away.

“Ow!” 

His eyes went round, “did I hurt you? What’s wrong, Hanji?”

She quickly dismissed him, “look! It’s starting already.” Turning her attention back at the screen, she plastered a wide smile on her face. 

Levi, on the other hand, stared at her. Both in suspicion and awe. His senses muttering words in his ear, he tried ignoring it but his guts have never lied to him. Anxiety might yet again visit him in his dreams. 

**19th of October**

“Listen,” She moves, their knees touching under the table but nobody moves away. “Nanaba, how about you and Mike stop teasing us, we are no longer in high school. People can be friends without anything going on between them.” 

“Just admit it, Hanji.” Her friend sighed in frustration, “Mike, your take?”

Mike stretched his arms before wrapping them around his partner, “Babe, I think these two are a bunch of liars.” 

“What are you, twelve?” Levi butted in, scowling. 

“Good one, Levi!” Hanji laughed, hitting him in the back. Her arm not leaving its place on his shoulder, it marked a heat that comforted him. 

The four continued on with their banter, smiles on their faces and warmth in their hearts. Both Levi and Hanji have come up with the unvoiced deal that, maybe, it’s not yet the right time to get back together. They might have experienced the eclipse, but the collision will have to wait. 

The two never worried about losing each other to another person because they knew whether in this life or the next, their red strings are attached. And in some way, they are bound to end up together.

**7th of November**

“Sleepover!!” 

“Hanji!” Levi shouted, pointing at her. “Don’t jump on the couch.” 

“Ok, Boomer!” She folded her arms, sitting at the corner most of the couch. 

He approached her, sitting beside and eyeing her. A small pout on her lips and her eyes rolling every few seconds. “You’re such a child,” he whispered. 

“Go home then,” Another roll came from her beautiful brown orbs, “sleepover is cancelled.” 

“Tch, a child you are.” 

Hanji picked up a pillow and retracted it, ready to hit him. “Fight me then,” She hit him once and then giggled. Levi stayed in his position, looking at her weird. “Come on, you killjoy!” 

Levi’s body moved an inch as the pillow hit his face, “not my face, four eyes!” He grabbed a bigger pillow, using it as a shield. 

Hanji hit him a couple more times, he groaned and grabbed a small pillow before fighting back. The two exchanged hits, Hanji hitting him stronger than he did. Squeals escaped her mouth while groans vibrated out of Levi's. 

“Hey, that hurt,” she surrendered, grabbing the big pillow. “That was your hand!” 

He paused, nearing her. “Let me see,” he raised his hand to fold her sleeve but she swatted it away. 

“It’s fine,” She beamed reassuringly at him. “Movie time!”

This time, it was undeniable, his senses knew the truth but it was Levi who could not pinpoint it. He might be stuck between denial and hopefulness. Whatever it may be, he knew it would leave one of them in agony. Worse, both of them. 

**8th of November**

Levi woke to the rays of the sun blinding him, snores could be heard from his right. He turned his head, Hanji slept beautifully on the floor. 

Last night, she refused to leave him alone in the living room. Said that sleepovers don’t work that way, so she hauled the mattress of her bed beside the couch. They talked until three in the morning, mostly about her research. From stars to black holes, the only thing on his mind was how soothing her voice sounded. 

He sat up, looking around for the bathroom. Levi entered it and solely sat on the toilet. Closing his eyes, going back to the events of the last five years. Sometimes, Levi needs time to sit and indulge in the fact that Hanji came back. Not one of his loved ones has ever done that, this goes to show the importance of her in his life. 

A knock disturbed him, “Levi! I need to poo.”

He stood and opened the door, Hanji stood before him. Crouching while holding her stomach, she stood as soon as the door opened. Walking past him, she pushed him out of the bathroom and slammed the door in his face.

“Thank you!” Her voice echoed inside. 

Levi headed for the kitchen, ready to cook breakfast. He turned the stove on, setting the kettle atop the fire. He took contents out of the fridge, deciding which ones to use. 

After concluding what to cook, he chopped up the onions. Hanji loved his fried rice, and she should because he spent his free time perfecting the recipe. Juggling between worldly problems and personal issues, the other tenant in his mind was Hanji. 

He opened the top cabinet, looking for a pan to use. Finding only cereal, he closed it. Levi must have spent a long while checking all the drawers and cabinets because he started to hear water running from the bathroom. He sighed, the only cabinet he didn’t open was the one under the sink, he strode towards it. It could be possible that Hanji placed them there, when has she ever done what other people usually do. An enigma, she was. 

Opening it, his hand stopped moving. All he could do was stare at it. 

“Levi?” She gasped, he didn’t even hear the bathroom door opening or the footsteps approaching the kitchen. 

Bottles of pills were strewn and a stack of folders sat beside it. One folder had a label written on it in big, bold letters. 

“CML?” He whispered in confusion, picking up a bottle, and scanning the complex words written on it. 

Hanji sighed behind him, “it’s chronic myeloid leukemia.” 

His view blurred and the floor moved beneath him. Levi found it difficult to stand properly, he held onto the kitchen counter for support. Questions flooded his mind and he did not know which one to ask first. He knew next to nothing about it, but the word “leukemia” rang in his ears. His mind jumped from one thought to the other, standing straight was one problem and thinking straight was another. 

He knew what he had to do, and that was to sit her down and talk about it, but his throat ran dry. Words refused to leave his mouth. Levi imagined his senses laughing at him, they were right all along. Something did not seem right since the beginning, Hanji would never leave her job so suddenly. 

An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. He took something from fate, and now they shall take back what he took. 

“Levi,” she softly spoke while reaching out to him. Her hand touched his shoulder and he flinched. “Come here, it’s okay.”

“What the fuck do you mean?” His voice rose an octave, his heart shattered but no tears came. “Explain this to me.” 

“Sit down first, please?”

Levi slid down on the floor, his back to the cabinets. Hanji glanced at him, the light in her eyes losing its usual glow. She sat two feet away from him.

“How long?” 

She played with her fingers, “I found out three years ago. I wanted to run to you bu-”

“Why didn’t you?” He whispered. His head down, forehead creasing. This felt all too familiar, he did not know when he felt the same pain. Maybe from the day he found out his mother had cancer or when he discovered Kenny was rushed to the emergency room.

“I couldn’t.” 

She couldn't. Between years of being friends to hours of being completely vulnerable in front of the other, she could not. 

Levi didn’t ask any more questions after that, he kept staring at the floor. Detaching himself from reality. Hundreds of poems and stories he wrote, he made sure not to write about sad endings. He has had enough in his life, the books were his alternative universe. 

The familiar whistle of the kettle woke him from his trance. He stood, poured tea on his cup. Taking a sip then draining the rest on the sink. Still, nowhere near Hanji’s. 

“I’ll see you,” he walked to the front door, stopping before twisting the knob. She still sat at the same spot. Unmoving. 

Levi could not stay in the same room as her right now, he needed to breathe.

**16th of November**

Eleven tabs on his laptop contained research about CML, the more he read the more pain it caused him. Levi could simply ask her about it, but he needed time. 

The words floated around his mind and he found it difficult to focus on one thing.

_...increased white blood cells…_

_...the number of red blood cells may decrease…_

_...chronic phase…_

_...accelerated phase…_

_...blast phase…_

He concluded that he might just ask her, only she knows the answer to these. It can wait, he chanted. Levi lay back down in his bed, staring at the ceiling with his makeshift glowing stars. He smiled to himself, Hanji would enjoy these. 

And even if trillions of stars glowed in the night sky, the one he’d still want was the abnormal astronomer he was blessed to come across with.   
  


**18th of November**

Levi arrived home later than usual, he got caught up with misprints and he had to personally visit the office of the printing company. He has always been particular with the way his books turned out, he has his team to mainly thank. 

Reaching the top of the stairs, he noticed the door to Hanji’s room. It stood ajar, a soft light glowing from the inside. He trudged towards the door, regarding it carefully. 

“Hanji?” He called out, his senses heightened. A weird weight lingered in his stomach. Once he reached the door, Levi pushed it slowly. Scanning the place, his eyes paused and widened at the body on the floor. 

He felt every hair on his body stand and his blood stopped flowing. His mind went blank for a second as if time stopped. Time has never been good to Levi, they were always one to conspire against him. 

Blinking, he pulled himself together. Hurrying to get to her body, he shook it and shouted her name. Levi checked for a pulse before going over her body for signs of bleeding or injuries but none were found. The raven-haired man swiftly opened his bag to rummage for his phone.

“Wake up, please,” He spoke to the unconscious body before him. He caressed it with so much precaution. Making sure she lay comfortably. 

Shaking hands dialed numbers, but a sound by the door caught his attention. Moblit, he believed was the name, aggressively opened the door. Eyes wide, the corners of his lip down. 

“Mr. Ackerman!” He shouted, running towards them. “I called the ambulance already, I had to rush to get my phone in the car.” His fingers shook violently as he tried to cup her face. 

Levi swallowed the jealousy rising, this was no time to entertain those. “Why didn’t you just take her to the hospital yourself?” He tried sounding composed, but anger seeped out. 

“I didn't’ know the way,” He spoke apologetically, “I am not from here.” 

“Tch,” Levi handed Hanji to Moblit tenderly, then rose from his position on the floor. “Watch her, I need to make a call.” 

His fingers scrolled through his contacts, eyes rapidly scanning the screen. Once he found the name, he pressed it. It took five rings before the other end answered the call, “Levi?”

“Petra,” his voice wavered. “I need you to do me a favor. It’s Hanji, help me save her.” 

If it meant that Levi needed to pull strings to keep Hanji, he would not hesitate to do it. He’d do everything in his power, even if it meant her being upset at him for this. 

**19th of November**

The muscles on his neck started to ache, Levi rose his head from its place on the side of her bed. They provided an extra bed for him, but he refused to use it. Instead, he dragged a chair beside the bed. 

Hanji has not opened her eyes and it kept him on edge, but the doctor said it was common for CML patients to collapse. Especially those in the blast phase. The moment those words left Dr. Willburg’s mouth, his ears stopped receiving sound. He has read about it already, Levi noted never to pray for something. Every time he did it, the exact opposite happened. 

He stared at her pale face most of the night, traced the lines with his eyes. Similar to how the planets orbit around the sun, following one path. Her beauty was that of the universe, vast and unknown. He loved her for all those, even the parts that created her as a whole but are still concealed from him. 

Levi never left the hospital, he wore the same clothes and sat at the same spot. Moblit left an hour after Hanji got confined, and came back five hours later to bring food for Levi. 

The meal went cold, still untouched. 

**20th of November**

A rap on the door wakes him, he turns his head to see the visitor. Nanaba enters with a gentle smile, followed by Mike with his lips in a line. 

The taller blond drops two paper bags on the table, Nanaba saunters beside Hanji’s bed. She pushes the brunette’s hair away from her forehead, “we just found out this morning. Moblit thought you told us already, but it’s fine. I know why.” 

Levi did not tell them for two reasons. One was that he forgot, and the second was that he wanted time alone with Hanji. He guessed the two already knew about her condition. He wanted to be angry, but he could not bring himself to do so. 

“Do you want to go home?” Nanaba asked, eyes glossy. 

He scoffed inwardly at that, where was home anyway. The place he grew up or the apartment he settled in, none of it mattered.

Levi hesitated before answering, “I’ll go, just to grab her clothes and mine. Be back in 10 minutes.” He stood from his position, his muscles flexed and bones cracked. 

“We’ll watch over her,” Mike butted in. “Better shower, you stink.” 

He allowed a small smile to appear on his face, Levi appreciated his friend’s effort in bringing light to this dreary situation. Nanaba gave him a small smile before he left. 

Pressing the elevator button, he heaved a sigh. Wondering why, of the billions of people around the world, this happened to him. For a moment, he felt like the main character of the story. Obstacles are thrown at him and sudden downfall situations. Oh, what he would do just to be the side character passing by the street and minding their own business. 

Levi timed himself, making sure he arrived on time. He did not want to spend too long away from Hanji, the days he spent ignoring her to think about the situation made him feel guilty. It was a waste. As much as he did not want to acknowledge it, her days left are being counted. It pains him, but he has to face time head-on. 

Reaching her hospital door, he tapped on it with his knuckle. Hanji’s soft giggles could be heard as soon as he opened it, Nanaba joked with her. 

"Maybe you shouldn't give him such a hard time," Her friend replied.

"Well," Hanji started, eyes widening as soon as Levi entered. "It was his fault anyway," she finished before the room went silent. 

Mike cleared his throat to speak but Nanaba got ahead of him. "Mike and I will go out to buy the essentials," she spoke, standing from the chair and dragging her boyfriend out of the room. 

Levi stood awkwardly by the door, not knowing what to do or say. 

"Levi?" Hanji called, eyes searching. She scooted over, patting the space next to her. "Sit beside me?" 

He slowly walked to the bed, dropping the bag he carried on the chair before sitting beside her. His back to her, head low and eyes drooping. 

And for the nth time, they fell silent. Levi knew what to say, he just couldn't bring himself to say the words. "What now?" He tried, when he needed words to back him up, they did not have him. 

"I'm still me," he could hear the smile from her voice. "Just sick, and now a time bomb that's about to tick off any time." 

"Don't say it like that," Levi warned. 

She chuckled from behind him, "there's no other way to say it. The earlier we accept it, the better." 

He noted the way she said "we" instead of "you", which meant she was still in denial herself. And it pained him, it hurt so much that the one person he thought would stick through the end was walking on thin ice. One wrong move and she'd fall. With him unable to help, just like his constant nightmares. Watching her walk to her death, his injured body unable to prove helpful at the moment. The same words uttered from her lips, "just let me go, will you?" 

And he wanted to say no, he wanted to protest. Wanted to say "I'll go, not you. You cannot go, I can't let you go." But their eyes never met, and words were never said. She walked away from him and all he could say was "see you." A coward he was in his nightmares, relying on her ability to read him. 

"Levi," she whispered, and he raised his head to listen. He wanted her to know he cared, that he wanted to be here. Be with her despite the condition she faced. "I'm sorry for not telling you sooner. Some days, I lay awake wondering what you would do if I suddenly showed up. Would you be happy? Angry because, after leaving you for my duties, I come back to tell you I'm sick?" 

He opened his mouth to reply but she continued, "If there's one thing I want to change in the past, it would be leaving you. Maybe we should've just lived here together…. right, Levi?" 

He felt his heart weigh down, the selfish words he wanted to hear years ago finally rolled down her tongue. Instead of feeling happy, the pain he felt doubled over. 

"But we're here, are we not?" The raven-haired man butted in. "Even if you stayed or not, we would still be in this situation. Sitting in the hospital, finally speaking out. Though I wish you stayed, I'm glad you didn't." 

Her eyes widened, and he continued to clear his previous statement. 

"I don't want to be the reason why you regret your life," his head bowed down. "I want to be the reason you enjoyed it. It does not matter if I'm barely a part of your treasured memories. If there's a fragment, that's reason enough for me." 

Levi wished so much for love to be easy. Come home, eat dinner with your partner, sleep beside each other, wave the other goodbye for work. Movies made it seem easier. They narrowed down the hundreds of problems that come with being in a relationship. No matter how much two people love each other, the world will always be there to conspire against them. 

Love gets tested, but Hanji and Levi have never lost once in the battle.

**21st of November**

Nanaba dragged him outside the room, asking if he could assist her in buying lunch for them. They stood inside the elevator, waiting for the number to reach one. 

"Did you guys talk?" She spoke, not looking at him. 

"Of course we talk, idiot." 

"I meant serious talk, stupid." 

The doors opened and Levi signaled her to walk out first, "we did." 

They walked to the cafeteria, with people passing them and hushed tones filling the hall. 

"What did she say?" 

He contemplated on the reply, deciding what to tell her and what to hide. There are things only he should know, and he needed to establish that. 

"Are you guys back together?" She asked, eyeing him from her peripherals. 

"What's the point?" 

"Right," Nanaba finished. She knew Levi barely voices out his thoughts, and she wished he would talk to her. He may be the closest with Hanji, but there are things you can't say in front of your partner. She understood that part, at least. Only the two knew how to decode the other, the rest would just watch in awe as they work their way without verbal communication. 

Others find this amusing, Levi found it difficult. Depending on her might not be a good idea, especially now. 

**22nd of October**

The doctor suggested they stay for a week to keep track of Hanji's blood cells. Levi paid twice the attention he usually does, taking note of the food the doctor told her to avoid. He took a notebook and listed everything, printing some of the things he researched about CML and pasting them on the pages. 

He did not go home once, only asking Mike to get clothes for him or buy food for them. His friend was more than happy to help. Levi was grateful for it, he had to take a leave from work. Prioritizing Hanji first, this was his second chance. He could not make the same mistake and choose duties first. Her life above the rest. 

Hanji sat up from her hospital bed, he turned his head to look. He was fiddling with the items in his bag, a black box in hand. Curse Mike, he had the box on his bedside table. He did not think Mike would bring it when he asked him to take a couple of clothes from his apartment. 

“Levi,” her voice sounded rough. 

He grabbed a bottle of water and strode towards her to hand it, “drink up.” 

She took it with frail hands, she lost weight in the span of five days. Despite his constant insistence to eat, the food that came in rushed out a few hours later. Bruises appeared on her skin day by day, strangers would assume her skin was normally yellow and purple. 

“What are you thinking about?” 

He sat beside her, “how long?” 

“I told you alre-”

“How long do you have left?” It sounded offensive, it was offensive, but he wanted to know. He needed to prepare himself for the inevitable, for the pain. Levi has not fully grasped everything, his system refused to believe that her end was nearing. 

“7 months or less, as Dr. Willburg said.” 

Levi no longer answered, instead, he took the bottle from her and returned it to the table. He walked back, laying down on the bed and pulling her in for a hug. She did not tease him, rather she allowed him to enclose her in the safety of his arms. She was warm like the sun. 

**23rd of November**

Hanji was finally out of the hospital, Levi asked her to stay at his apartment in the meantime. They moved her things in and he got hit by nostalgia. Remembering the first day they moved in, it all felt too familiar. 

He offered his room to Hanji, taking the couch for himself. Sleep seemed too far away, and he did not fret. Staring at the ceiling, he reminisced about their old memories. Levi wanted so much to cry, but he could not. No matter how much he tried, he could do nothing of the sort. And he found it difficult. Bottling everything was what he got used to, safe from the sudden breakdowns he got in front of Hanji in the past. The only expressions he showed the rest of the world was a frown or rage. That was the only thing he allowed. 

Levi prayed, whatever higher being existed above them, he hoped they would not take her away from him. And he had to laugh at himself, praying that was similar to praying that every other loved one he lost would come back. Not in this life, for sure, but maybe in another he lived a happy one. 

**25th of December**

Time flew fast, he noticed. When he was anxious about something, time ridiculed him and rushed. 

Levi never liked celebrating his birthday, but Hanji has always put effort into making him enjoy. Back then, she asked Mike and Nanaba to teach her how to bake. Ever since then, she has baked goodies for his birthday. Though on the first try, she burnt the brownies. They laughed it off, ordering food instead. 

This year, she tried, but her body did not allow her. As the days passed, she grew weaker. Thinner, too. Levi, on the other hand, worked lesser hours to tend to her. It frustrated her to no end, but he did not budge. 

They sat around the Christmas tree, holding on to their gifts for the other. Hanji insisted on decorating the tree, so he ended up buying more decorations. When she left, he threw away most of the Christmas decorations. He stopped putting up a tree, but he did celebrate the holidays with Mike, Nanaba, and Erwin because they would not stop bothering him. 

“I feel bad,” she pouted. Levi noticed her face looked thinner, but it did not stop her from being beautiful. 

“Gifts are not bought, you know.” 

“I know!!” She handed him the box, “I just don’t think this one is as good as the rest of my gifts from previous years.”

“It’s gonna be fine,” he reassured her while giving her the small box he held. “You go first.” 

She beamed widely, ripping the paper enthusiastically. Hanji breathed heavily before opening the navy blue box, a red string sat on the velvet-covered foam. The string held a pendant, a gold dove. 

“It symbolizes free-”

“Wings of freedom,” she finished for him. “Help me wear it?” 

Levi gently took the bracelet out of the box, securing it around her wrist. 

“It’s really pretty. Thank you, Levi.” She smiled at him, pointing to her gift for him. 

He carefully opened it, wondering what she got him. He could make out a frame. Once he removed the wrapping paper, he held it in his hands. Reading the words, warmth surged in his stomach. 

“I asked Moblit to do it for me,” she explained. “You can’t buy stars actually, but there is this company that lets you name one. It’s complicated to explain, but this star,” she pointed at the small dot on the frame. “I named it Sawney Bean.” 

“That’s a funny name, Hanji.” 

She laughed, lightly pushing him away. “It felt right.” 

Levi agreed, it did. For once, everything felt right. 

**1st of January**

The kiss was not quick, not too long. It was in the space between. He did not even know who went in first, but the next thing he knew their lips were moving synchronously. His hand cupping her cheek, the other around her waist. Both her hands encircled his neck, pulling him in closer. 

They broke it seconds later, breathing heavily and their faces flushed. He pressed his forehead against her, “I’m sorr-”

“Don’t,” she shushed him. “Happy new year.”

Fucking happy new year it was.

**21st of January**

Levi has been ignoring talks about death with her, but one afternoon she brought it up. Insistent on getting an answer from him. 

"When I di‐" She tried to say, but his voice cut her off.

"Shut up. Don't talk bullshit with me." 

Hanji smiled up at him from her place on the floor, folding pieces of paper to create origami. 

"Just hear me out," she softly told him. "I don't want you to stop." 

And he knew what she meant. Find love, it does not end with me. Yet, every fiber of his being thought it would. 

**28th of January**

It first started with her unable to get up from bed alone, she had to ask Levi for help. Then it escalated quickly, her body refused to accept food. It kept coming back out, and more bruises appeared on her beautiful skin. 

The doctor had to change the prescriptions and they visited the hospital more often, Levi did not go to work anymore. He stayed beside her. 

He did his best to help her, calling the best doctors from other countries to help them. Many times he got denied, many times he pulled strings to make things possible. 

Hanji tried her best to hide the pain she felt, but Levi was quick to observe. He didn't mention it once, he could see how much she tried stuffing food in her mouth. 

After their kiss, they finally decided to share a bed. Hanji was the one who offered, she said it would help with his nightmares. Levi thought it was something else. 

As she fell asleep wrapped around his arms, he lay awake staring at her. Wishing the moment would last. 

**14th of February**

Hanji seemed better. She glowed and was able to digest food. He researched survival rates, and he had a little bit of hope. She smiled more, laughed louder, and even teased him a lot. 

Things were going back to normal. 

It was impulsive, he knew, but he wanted to go to a sunflower field with her. She was more than enthusiastic to hear about his idea. Levi helped her pick an outfit to wear. She was never fond of wearing dresses, but this time she asked for his opinion on it. 

"It doesn't really matter, Hanji." Levi thought his opinion didn't matter, Hanji could wear whatever she wanted. From suits to dresses, she looked good in all. 

"Just tell me!" She whined at him, twirling in the beige Sunday dress. 

"You look good," he gulped. Too good, actually. 

She jumped slightly when he said those words, Levi stood abruptly to snake his hand around her waist. "Careful," he breathed. She looked so fragile to him, and it annoyed her but he kept saying that it was better to be safe than sorry. 

The ride to the place felt freeing, she put on music they could listen to. 

"I love this song," she giggled. "Look at the stars, look how they shine for you and everything you do. Yeah, they were all yellow." 

He wanted to listen to her sing, but she forced him to join her. Placing her fisted hand right by his mouth like a microphone. 

"I came along, I wrote a song for you. And all the things you do, and it was called yellow," he sang deeply. Teasingly rolling his eyes at the grin growing on her face 

"You can sing!" She exclaimed and beamed at him. 

They spent the rest of the ride listening and singing to the songs she liked. And if it meant she would be happy, he’d keep singing for her. 

When they arrived at the field, Hanji excitedly exited the car. Levi on her tale, watching over her. 

“Be careful, wait for me,” he shouted at her and quickly locked the car doors. 

They walked to the entrance, a man stood before the counter. “Welcome! Unfortunately, I got bad news for you. The sunflowers have not bloomed yet.” 

A visible frown appeared on her face, but she quickly dismissed it. “That’s okay! We can still go, right?” 

“Yes, that’s no problem.” 

She chuckled and thanked the man. Levi took his wallet out to pay, he hurried his actions to catch up with her pace. Hanji walked fast and he did not like the twists his stomach did when she was out of sight. Catching up to her, he put his arm around her waist. This time, she did not remove it. 

Hundreds of sunflowers stood in lines, their petals hiding from the world. The fresh breeze went past him, his hair flying everywhere. He removed his arm from her waist to fix his hair, patting his own head.

“Look,” she walked past him. Approaching a small sunflower. Levi stood enthralled at her very being. Admiring the way she shone in the field. And although the sunflowers have not bloomed, all he could see was yellow. The only thing his eyes focused on was her, clad in a beautiful beige dress. His yellow stood among a sea of sunflowers, yet the rest was only a blur to him. It was all Hanji in his mind, he never thought he would be in love with someone. It came to the point that her existence brought him so much comfort and peace. 

_Your skin and bones turn into something beautiful. You know I love you so._

**28th of February**

They sat under the dark sky, wrapped in a blanket and wearing matching onesies. 

Hanji insisted they go stargazing on the rooftop, and said something about missing how the night sky looked. Levi had to carry an inflatable bed up the stairs and pump it with air, Hanji looked at him with an amused smile the whole time. They brought tea and homemade sandwiches, she took her medication right before due to Levi’s persistence. He kept tabs on the medication she had to drink and set alarms for it. 

“Bring my astronomical telescope!” 

“What?”

“My telescope, Levi. That’s the point of all this.” 

“Tch, fine.” 

There they sat before her big telescope. Her one eye looked through the eyepiece, the other covered by a hand. “I found it,” she screamed. “Have a look, this is Uranus.” 

She pulled Levi’s head to look, a blue orb in sight. It did not look clear, but he could make out the planet. The surface looked soft and it reminded him of the color of his first sweater, the one his mother gave him. 

“It’s my favorite planet,” she whispered once he raised his head. “Something about it feels nostalgic, like a connection.” 

Levi looked at her, noting how her eyes glinted while talking about her passion. “In Greek mythology, Uranus here is the father of the Titans. Known as the sky god, or something along those lines.” 

“You know a lot,” she grinned proudly at him. Nudging him and looking back at the eyepiece of the telescope. 

Of course he knows a lot, he spent his free time researching the things she liked. Nanaba used to scold him at work for this. Instead of finishing his book, Levi kept scrolling through the internet to learn about the planets. It was a very un-Levi act, but it surely was the version of him that Hanji brought to this world. 

**12th of March**

Levi observed the way her chest rose and fell, synching his breathing with hers. His eyes rose to observe the lines on her skin, she looked like a painting made by the heavens. Hanji seemed so surreal, how can someone amazing come to his life. 

When he first moved here, he isolated himself from the people. Only talking to Kenny, and with single worded lines. After his mother died, his uncle took him in and raised him from then on.

On the first day of class, he sat at the back of the classroom. Allowing the world to pass by him without pause, then he noticed a bubbly student approaching him. 

“Wanna grab lunch?” The voice seemed so excited and cheerful, he found it difficult to say no. “I’m Hanji, by the way.” She extended a hand to him, he eyed it before nodding. Lowering the hand, a laugh erupted from her mouth. “You’re a different one.” 

After that encounter, the two were inseparable. Spending too much time in each other’s presence and getting to know the other so well. 

**21st of March**

"So," Dr. Willburg cleared his throat. "I suggest that you stay confined in the hospital starting today. Your cells have been rapidly increasing in an abnormal way and we did not foresee this happening. We've put up a request for blood donors already, but Mr. Ackerman here offered." 

Hanji played with the paper in her hands, "thank you for the suggestion, Dr. Willburg, but I've had this conversation with the two other doctors from London and I already told them my decision."

Levi looked up at her, wondering what she meant by it but he did not fuss. 

"They gave me a different approach this time, instead of imatinib they changed it to dasatinib. I don't need blood donors, I trust them on this," she finished with her head held high. 

The doctor wrote hurriedly in his journal, "I see. Well then, did they tell you the side effects?" 

"Yes, they left nothing out." She made the final decision. 

The two got off the car after their weekly visit to the hospital, Levi insisted weeks ago that she start using a wheelchair but she furiously refused. He got one anyway, keeping it in case. Every time she needed to go somewhere, Levi was there to help by holding her up. Hanji screamed at his face for the act, yet he continued to do it. 

"Why didn't you tell me about your conversation with Dr. King and Dr. Janus?" Levi asked as soon as they settled inside the apartment. He did not want to start an argument, but he felt betrayed that she did not tell him. Again. 

"It wasn't a matter you were concerned with," Hanji spoke sternly from her place on the couch. 

"What is that supposed to mean?" 

"The decision is not up to you. I don't need you donating your blood or pulling strings anymore, please." 

Silence washed the two, the ticking of the clock intensifying each second. 

"Twice," Levi whispered after a minute. 

Hanji looked up, eyes wide and questioning. He was a book only she could read, yet now the letters formed gibberish. 

"What?" 

Levi closed his eyes, sliding down the wall to sit on the floor. His back against the concrete, he lifted his head to look at the ceiling. "I lost you twice already. One was when you first left me, the next was the day I saw you unconscious on the ground," his voice came out rugged and his breathing became shaky. He lowered his head, rubbing his palms against his knees. "I can't lose you again." It came out softly, Hanji could barely hear what he just said. 

Moments passed and she did not respond, he thought no answer would come from her today but she opened her mouth. He did not look, afraid to see the emotion in her eyes but he observed her from his peripherals. 

"Let go, Levi. It's okay," Hanji breathed heavily. "Just let me go, will you?" 

His eyes widened slowly, deja vu hitting him for the words uttered. It took just six words from her, and he listened. 

_Your skin and bones turn into something beautiful. You know, for you I'd bleed myself dry._

**10th of April**

Levi aggressively tapped on the keys of his keyboard, typing away all his frustrations. 

He sat on the couch, looking at Hanji above his laptop screen. She sat on the wheelchair, going around in circles and laughing every few seconds. He tried to focus on the matter at hand but her voice was his music to his ears. 

Grabbing his phone, he turned the camera on to secretly record the joyous moment. Leave it to technology to be his memory keeper. 

He'll embed every memory of her in every way possible for there will come a time where his mind won't be able to keep these moments. 

**24th of April**

Hanji leaned on the headrest of the couch, smiling up at his face. She lost a lot of weight again and started using the wheelchair more often than the past week. 

Some nights, she would cry in the bathtub but Levi never bothered her. She vomited a lot, and it pained him more seeing her vomit was nothing but water because she found it hard to swallow food. They both pretended her bruises were galaxies on her skin. On one arm, she had three big ones. Levi named one of it the milky way. She laughed at that and smacked him in the chest. 

"You're so beautiful," she complimented him and observed his features. The rays of the sun penetrated through the glass and made his skin glow. "You are my yellow." 

His eyes widened at the statement, mouth agape.

"I read your book," she laughed at him. Answering his silent question. "Sam is Catherine's yellow and vice versa. It's like a soulmate but much better. Your yellow brightens your life and follows you from one life to the next, and no matter the distance or time they always find their way back to each other. Do you believe in theories about having another life after this?" 

"I wrote about it, didn't I?" He cupped her cheek, placing a kiss on her forehead. Closing his eyes, he breathed in her scent. 

"Do you think we had a life before this? Where we knew each other?" She asked, and he pulled away to look at her eyes. Ice met honey. 

"Maybe." Levi believed they lived a life before this one, the only thing stopping him from answering yes was fearing she'd hope for it and ask him to promise her that they'd find each other in the next one. 

**6th of May**

On a rainy morning, Hanji collapsed on the floor. He rushed her to the hospital, hands shaking and heart hammering. Nanaba and Mike came three hours later as he sat on a chair beside the room she was in. Still in pajamas. Erwin came an hour after them, bringing breakfast for all. 

They sat waiting in the hall of the hospital, not uttering comforting words to Levi but calming him with their presence. 

After what seemed like forever, the doctors came out and told him she needed to be confined for at least a week. 

On the third day of being confined, Hanji asked them to let her out. An argument between her and Levi later, she sat at the passenger's side of the car ready to go home. 

**10th of May**

She looked different. Her eyes drooped and it lost its usual light, Levi forgot when he last heard her laugh. 

"Hands up," he asked her. He put on the fifth shirt on her for this day, even though the windows were opened and the wind blew inside she still got drenched in sweat. 

"Thank you, Levi," her hoarse voice filled the silence. 

He tucked her in and kissed her forehead, "goodnight." 

**15th of May**

"Can I sing you a song to sleep?" Her small voice caught his attention. They lay in his bed, covered in a blanket. His arm over her waist and their feet tangled. 

He touched his forehead with hers as a confirmation, she understood it and started singing. 

"I swam across, I jumped across for you. Oh, what a thing to do. 'Cause you were all yellow," she sang the lines of their favorite song. 

He closed his eyes and imagined them dancing to the song, a small smile grew on his face. 

_I drew a line for you. Oh, what a thing to do. And it was all yellow_

**18th of May**

Hanji could no longer get up from the bed. He saw how angry she became with herself as if she blamed her body for being weak. All he could do was hug her to reassure her. Levi sucked at voicing out his thoughts, he thanked the heavens Hanji could read him. 

She read him over and over again, memorized every line and made analysis out of every chapter of his being. And like a book, she went through every page. From his lowest to his highest, she took in everything. 

“Can we go to the hospital?” He begged her, eyeing her frail state on the couch. Her shirt looked big on her and it stuck to her skin. 

“I don’t want to,” she whispered. Closing her eyes and breathing in deeply. 

He squeezed the water out of the hand towel before placing it on top of her forehead. The thermometer read 102.4 Fahrenheit. Last night, her fever kept recurring and it worried him. He called Dr. Willburg in the dead of the night, he was told fevers normally occur to CML patients and he just had to cool her down with the medicine prescribed. He shut his mouth and continued to wipe her arms with another towel. 

Levi never had the power against her. He may be Achilles, but she was the heel. 

**25th of May**

“Open your mouth,” he asks her, holding a spoon in front of her mouth. He cooked up some stew for her to eat, she gave him the recipe months ago. No matter how many times he tried it, it tasted different from the one she cooked up years ago when he had a fever.

“Say ‘here comes the airplane’ first,” she whined at him. “Please?”

He looked at her for a second before speaking, “here comes the airplane, Hanji.”

A weak laugh erupts from her throat and it warms his heart. 

**1st of June**

He shut his eyes an hour ago but sleep refused to take him, the body next to him shifted and the sheets ruffled. 

“I’m sav-aved by the fact.... that you e-exist,” she whispered and brushed his hair away from his forehead. Kissing his head, she hugged his small frame. 

This life, the next, and a couple more, he’ll keep looking for her. 

**8th of June**

She closed the laptop carefully and looked at him from the couch. He stood by the kitchen counter, cutting potatoes for a new recipe he found on the internet. Every afternoon, when Hanji takes her naps, he goes through websites to look for new things to cook for her. 

“Levi,” her voice is low but his ears have good hearing. He drops the knife on the cutting board and approaches her. “Let’s go to th-the roo-ftop later.” 

“Why?”

“I... want to see something.” 

He hesitantly agrees and goes back to cooking, folding his sleeves before setting up a pot on the stove. An hour later, Hanji opens her mouth to accept the food he offered. Chewing slowly and staring at him as he blew on the hot soup. 

“I…” She cleared her throat before speaking again, “I ta-talk to the stars abo-bout you.” 

“Hmmm,” he hummed, feeding her with another spoonful of soup. “I write about you.” Levi has immortalized her existence on paper, and he does not mind doing it again. 

After the two finished dinner, he carefully placed her on the wheelchair and covered a blanket over her lap. Pushing her up the ramp, he took note of the silence that came from his companion. They reached the top, and he breathed heavily while admiring the beauty of the night sky. It never failed to leave him gaping in awe. 

“Dance with me?” She asked him, eyes glimmering. He nodded and helped her up, she leaned her frail body against him and positioned her arms around his neck. Levi took his phone out and played their song, he placed his phone in his back pocket so they could still hear it even as they moved around. She looked so small in his arms, he could feel her ribs through the shirt. As the first verse rolled in, the two swayed and stared at each other’s eyes for a second. Hanji moved to let their foreheads touch before closing her eyes, he could feel her warm breath against his face. They danced for a while, with Levi humming to the song. 

He closed his eyes to reminisce their memories together. Levi remembered the first time they went to see a movie, they snuck in food and laughed together once they got inside safely. When they got home, Hanji kept repeating how she felt guilty for doing that. Another memory he kept visiting was seeing her jump for joy when they graduated together. He still kept their polaroid picture in his wallet to this day. The memory that brought him so much pain was seeing her break down over schoolwork. He did not like that she did most of the part when it was meant to be a group project. She pulled her hair and smacked her face, Levi had to clasp her hands to stop her. 

In the most inconvenient of times, his brain flooded with good memories. Moments he held on to for hope and inspiration. 

"Don't go," his voice came out as a pained whisper after a minute, "I don't want you to go." 

"I'll be ba-ack," she replied to him while rubbing his back in soothing circles. "I'll se-see you... again."

_Look at the stars, look how they shine for you and all the things that you do._

She stayed in that position for a minute before moving her head to lean on his shoulder. He held the back of her head, using his thumb to rub gently. The song finished as Levi looked up at the sky, tiny streaks of white appeared that contrasted with the darkness of the heavens. He remembered the promise he asked of her, “show me the meteor shower.” He smiled to himself, a wide smile this time.

"Thank you," she breathed. The last word was barely audible if not for his ear right above her. Her body slowly slumped and the warm puffs of air on his neck stopped.

Levi's heart ached and he pulled her closer to him, kissing the top of her head. Shaky breaths came out of his mouth and he hoarsely spoke to her, "it's okay. You can go, you can rest now." He shut his eyes as he tried to even out his breathing. “See you, four eyes. Keep watching me.” 

For days, he feared this day would come but no tears came. He felt relieved for her, Hanji was finally free from the pain. 

**27th of June**

Levi stood among the sea of sunflowers, alone. 

He searched for a certain yellow, but none came in view. Only the flowers kept him company, and only the flowers were yellow. He lifted his head to look at the bright blue sky, smiling up at it. They built a universe of memories, him and his soulmate. Hanji became his home, and soon he would find his way back. He looked back down at the envelope and velvet box in his hands, "letters I never sent to you." Opening it, he found nineteen folded pieces of paper. Unfolding one of it with the label "1", he read the contents. 

> To my Clyde,
> 
> Each day I thank my lucky stars I met you. You have been so well to me, sometimes too well. You make me feel loved and seen, sometimes I think about not being enough because your love is so pure and comforting. The gods must favor me to have you in my life. Today, I found out I have Chronic Myeloid Leukemia. It's a handful, isn't it? I wish to come home. I wish to lay my head against your chest and allow the beating of your heart to soothe me. I wish for many things rigth now, but the one thing I want the heavens to grant is that you will be happy. I learned of the survival rates and life expectnancy of CML patients and I don't have long. My love, I have to go. I can't promise to stay, and I am sorry, but I can only promise to find you in another life. I do not know how many lives we have to live or skins we have to wear, but we will make it there. Someday, we'll find ourselves in each other's arms. No longer running or hiding. Thank you for keeping me. Your heart is my favorite shelter. Your love is nothing compared to the warmth the sun gives, you make me love the life I live. I hope to see you again, whether next month or next year. I'll make sure I won't leave without fulfilling my promises to you. 
> 
> -your Bonnie 

He took out another folded paper, this time it had "19" on the front. 

> To my captain,
> 
> Tonight, I will fulfill my promise to you. Around ten in the evening, a meteor shower will come and grace our skies. I hope you enjoy my last gift for you. Any day, my time will run out and I'll have to bid goodbye. Before I go, I hope to see you smile. I do not want to leave this place knowing you are bitter about my death. Don't be angry at the world, they did not take me away from you. The heavens are borrowing me, and I'll come back to you. Between lost and found, we are in the space of discovery. Let the universe decide when our paths will cross again. 'Til then, keep your head held up high. Do not let my death be the end of you, go conquer the world. Write all the poems you want, publish all the books you need, let the world know your name. Let your legacy reach the heavens, I'll keep watching you.
> 
> \- your dearest commander, Hanji Zoe

Levi folded the paper and returned it in the envelope. He turned his gaze back up at the sky, inhaling deeply. Silently hoping that the universe already had a better plan for them, he refused to end their story here. 

The couple were a galaxy. The two are stars in the sky, not because they were star crossed lovers, but because they are celestial bodies that are bound to collide. They're infinite. 

**_fin_ **

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are very much appreciated! Thank you for reading this story, may you find your soulmate in this life.


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